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Joy fights the stigma of depression
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| Better - Joy Cane is trying to raise awareness of depression |
FOR THREE years Joy Cane felt like she didn't exist.
There's no risk of that nowadays. She's a public speaker, fundraiser and regular volunteer with an action packed diary.
But then she has got a lot to catch up on.
Joy has manic depression, or bipolar disorder, a condition she says was left mis-diagnosed for many years. At its worst It left her afraid to go out, answer the phone, and battling suicidal thoughts.
"Looking back I feel now that even as a young child I had a sense of depressive feelings, but of course being so young I did not recognise what they were at the time," says the grandmother, of Southend (SHE DIDN'T WANT HER FULL ADDRESS USED). "For much of my childhood my mum was ill with severe asthma and I remember from the age of eight I had to hold her arm while she had her injections. That was absolutely awful."
She says her mum's illness meant she had more responsibilities at home than other children her age and because she didn't play out with her peers, she became shy and withdrawn at school.
It was a personality trait that would stay with her into adulthood.
"I was always frightened of everybody," admits Joy, who has two children Angela, 45, and Sean, 40. "As far as the depression goes, I would often get a black cloud come over me, but I didn't know what it was and I'd try to get on with things."
She got on with things when her beloved mum died when Joy was 24. She got on with things when two decades later she had to overcome a divorce, the death of her dad and a much loved family dog within the space of three months. That's in addition to adjusting to the loneliness and practicalities of living alone.
But it all came to a head in 2000. Joy, who was working in Debenhams, Southend, started to have panic attacks.
"I'd be at work serving a customer when all of a sudden I couldn't answer the phone or talk to customers. It was really frightening."
"In addition to the panic attacks, I began experiencing periods of being excitable and restless," explains Joy. "For example I'd be doing the decorating in the early hours of the morning, followed by periods where everything was black."
Her first visit to her GP didn't improve matters.
"He wasn't very helpful. He just said to me I think you've got depression and put me on a course of tablets that didn't work," she says.
"As a result my condition continued to deteriorate and I was suffering from severe anxiety, paranoia and both agoraphobic and claustrophobic feelings. I holed up at home and refused to answer the phone."
During the course of 2000, Joy was referred to a number of psychiatrists and put on a variety of different medication. None of which worked.
"My condition got worse and worse," she says. "I had absolutely no self-confidence and felt completely drained of emotion.
"Eventually I reached my lowest point, lying in bed all day, not eating, neglecting myself and my home."
She says at this time it fell upon her daughter Angela to take charge.
"My daughter and I changed roles," she explains. "I was like a child again and was frightened and scared of everything."
Joy says that despite receiving the support of her family, she couldn't help but push them away.
"I withdrew from everyone. I felt like I couldn't love anyone, not even my family. That was absolutely awful, you just feel this emptiness."
The turning point came when she was referred to yet another psychiatrist. This time her symptoms were recognised as those of bi-polar disorder, more commonly known as manic depression. She was put on mood stabiliser medication, and slowly but surely began her recovery.
It was hard work and she had to constantly push herself, but she found great support from Southend mental health association MIND and its women's group.
Meeting up with the other members gave her something to look forward to and helped build up her confidence.
Four years down the line there's no stopping her. She's a representative on her local Women's Mental Health Service Users Forum, works as a mentor to another woman battling mental health issues and also goes into schools and colleges to talk about her experiences.
"I'm trying to help reduce the stigma," she says. "People think mental health is something you laugh at."
"It does make me angry that I've lost three years of my life. I love the sunshine and doing my garden and I just missed out on all that. I was this person that didn't exist.
"But now I want to shout about it," she says. "I do think GPs understand depression a bit more now, mainly because there's so much more of it about.
"Before I got ill, I wouldn't say boo to a goose. But I won't stand for any nonsense now. I think going through something like that does change your life. A lot of people don't get better, but thankfully I've come out the other side and I'm much more confident as a result.
"I know what it's like to feel you have nothing to live for, as if you are in a deep hole and trying to climb out, but always falling back down.
There was a time when I couldn't imagine that I would ever get better, or see any light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, at last, I feel that I have everything to live for and can look forward positively to the future."
Contacts:
Southend District MHA (Mental Health Association) 01702 601123 sdmha@btconnect.com
Basildon Mind 01268 284130 www.basmind.org
4:06pm Monday 11th February 2008
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