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Could Bernie be lord of the dance?
IT FELT like I had beamed down into a real life version of Cocoon - the Eighties film were a group of elderly people were rejuvenated by aliens.
Dragging my clubbed feet around the floor of St George's Church hall, in Benfleet, under the guidance of exotically named sequence dance instructor Dallas French opened my eyes to another world.
It was a place where people in their twilight years - the oldest was 90 - were still sprightly and able to move their bodies to music without injuring themselves through the strain.
In Cocoon, extra terrestrial beings help a group of infirm retirement house mates to start swimming, running and jumping again.
I expected this lot to start break-dancing at any minute.
But this had nothing to do with powers from another world - it was all down to the fanatical dedication of microphone wearing instructor Marilyn Turner, 58, and her sister Dallas, 54, who have been dancing all of their lives.
"Sequence dancing is a great way to keep both the mind and body fit," said Marilyn, whose mother Muriel, 88, and father Les, 90, were also up on their feet.
"Both Dallas and I have been dancing all our lives, ever since we were little girls. It is very relaxing and also a great way to socialise.
"It gets people out of the house and even if they haven't got a partner - no husband or wife, or their other half just doesn't want to take part - we will always find them somebody to dance with.
"We have couples who come here and learn to dance before heading off on special dancing holidays at Butlins type camps up and down the country. It is very popular and we can't get enough of it - we are danceaholics!"
The siblings teach three successive classes, beginner, intermediate and advanced, on Monday afternoons, with the learners school starting at 1pm. Their youngest members are in their Fifties, stretching up into the Nineties.
Sequence dancing is based on standard ballroom and Latin dancing techniques and are choreographed as repeatable 16 bar routines.
Dances are named and scripted, allowing them to be taught accurately everywhere.
There are differences between sequence and ballroom dancing. For example, all couples dance the same routine at the same time, moving counter-clockwise around the room in a large circle.
So where better for a complete novice with all the co-ordination and timing of a blind tortoise to start, than right at the beginning.
I couldn't have been in better hands, as my patient partner Dallas, like her sister, had a degree in dancing and has been both a home counties and national champion in her art.
Dancing has always been in the duo's blood. Their mother Muriel was an old time dancer and her mum, the girls' grandmother, was a pianist at a dancing school. Her husband, their grandfather, was a dance MC at East Ham town hall. They were just born to dance.
So how did I get on? Well, the graceful Dallas was very gentle with me, promising "everything would be OK" with a warm smile, as we partnered up with 10 other couples around the room. I wasn't convinced!
I am such an awkward so-and-so. I don't need Jimmy Cricket style plates to show me my left and right (I think the Irish comedian had them on the wrong feet anyway, but I couldn't be sure), I just get in a mental tangle and switch off completely when asked to follow moving instructions.
So here I was watching Marilyn and Dallas instructing the rest of the class from the centre of the room a simple move, before Dallas took me by the hand and tried to talk me through it.
Forward on the left foot... one ... to the side on the right foot... one... Doh! I'd already gone backwards and in the opposite direction. It was a bit like watching Ginger Rogers trying to guide Quazimodo around the hall.
But eventually I started to get the hang of it (sort of), moving up and down, from side to side and putting in a few twirls, which actually ended in grasping Dallas' hand.
It was at this point she pointed out grinning that I was the girl and she was the lead. Sounds about right!
Six or seven sets of separate moves were demonstrated, before we built up to going through the whole sequence in one go, moving around the room in a squared procession, with the music playing from a table.
I definitely improved and started to enjoy myself in the company of my experienced chaperone, as I was shown the Rumba One and a Square Tango during the hour long lesson.
But I was relieved when it was finally over.
Having a good mosh down the Pink Toothbrush was much more my sort of thing.
"See, it wasn't that bad - was it?," said Dallas, who I rewarded for her endeavours with a kiss on the cheek.
No, it wasn't that bad, but I won't be going back for at least another 20 years, when younger members of Dallas and Marilyn's family might be running the show.
Sequence dancing for beginners
Every Monday at St George's Church Hall,
Rushbottom Lane,
Benfleet
£2.50. 1pm
01268 754955
11:44am Monday 28th April 2008
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