Daniel Bentley (Ivan Drago)

He’s the ultimate professional but can talk a glass eye to sleep.

John White

Surely a skipper that drives a smart car isn’t right? Adopted member of the GK union.

Ben Coker (Joker from Batman)

Absolute nutter and mad guy. Longest in the shower.

Mads Ibenfeldt

Most laid back and hard working man ever. Handsome Viking but losing it on top.

Adam Thompson (Mick McCarthy)

Thinks he’s a 9/10 but really he’s a 4/10. Personal hygiene issues #ottno

Luke Prosser (Pross-dog)

Top story teller and he’s like Tommo’s dad. Loudest voice in football.

David Worrall (Little rat)

100 per cent the worst trainer. He lives off Carling and has the most horrific tattoos ever. Ask him he might show you!

Michael Timlin (Sponge bob square body)

Nips to Tenerife for eight minutes every Thursday afternoon. Top singer and contender for best dressed.

Lee Barnard (Mr Burns)

Has a hair line like wingbacks pushing on. Known as champagne Lee Barnard, another contender for best dressed.

Barry Corr (Corrgasm)

Has the skinniest calf muscles in football but the biggest nose! Along with Mr Timlin he enjoys an eight minute trip to Tenerife every Thursday afternoon.

Myles Weston (Speedboat)

On the first team night out he bought the bar in Marbella. Always a good start.

Will Atkinson (Mowgli of Jungle Book)

Another contender for skinniest legs in football but great at covering up his wing-backs.

Ted Smith (Mini-Bentley)

A young Dan Bentley, has a great future in the game.

Kevan Hurst (Jimmy Hill)

Biggest chin in football. Is liable to a head loss in training but a top night out organiser.

Cian Bolger (Daddy long legs)

Still in denial about his hair. Needs to embrace the ginger. Contender for the biggest moaner.

Conor Clifford (Little-ferret)

Did everyone know he played for Chelsea? Gets a lot of stick but can give it too.

Ryan Leonard (Mr Ruthless)

Possibly the worst dress sense in England. Let’s just leave his nose and hairstyles out of it!

Jack Payne (Little Messi)

Loves a nutmeg in training but certainly can’t keep up on a night out.

Paul Smith

Grandad of the team. Loves a one liner once a month and a calf rub every day.

Gary Deegan (The beard)

What chest size are those shorts?! Better off on your team than against you.

Jerome Binnom-Williams

Loves a trick in training. Needs to BIN the tracksuits as well.

Jake Cassidy

Wherever Macca is Cass will be not be too far away. Also known as Natalie Cassidy!

Stephen McLaughlin

AKA Rickie Raymont, will always be at Cass’ side. You’ll never see one without the other.

Adam Barrett (Uncle Fester, Max Branning, Stone Cold Steve Austin, the third Mitchell brother, Vin Diesel, Voldemort)

Known as everyone’s dad’s mate! Only man in 30 years to wear World Cups. Just an absolute legend.

Jack Bridge (Mr Bean)

The clumsiest man in football. Has dancing eyebrows but a top player.

Jason Williams

Another lad that loves a rascal tracksuit but a nightmare for defenders in training.

Joe Pigott

Pigs is an absolute big time Charlie but a top man with it. Good player when he’s not on his dad’s yacht.

Staff

Phil Brown (manager)

No comment!

Dave Penney (assistant manager)

Worst trainer. Still thinks he’s a player #nous

Graham Coughlan (first team coach)

Another contender for worst trainer but knows his limitations. Sponsored by Budweiser.

Ben Clarkson (physiotherapist)

Top physio, great at giving the banter but he sure takes a lot of it too. We love it when Frank the Tank comes out now and again.

Mark Williams (head of strength and conditioning)

Bane off Batman. We can’t say anything about him because he would eat us alive. Love you Mark!

Luke Hart (strength and conditioning coach)

Can’t always take the banter. Knows a little about a lot but thinks he’s an expert.

Terry Mason (goalkeeping coach)

In charge of the GK union. Thinks he’s a football philosopher.