l Darryl Flahavan, goalkeeper
Flavs is nicknamed the shark but I don't think you can really print why in the Echo! He's really into his mixed martial arts and the Ultimate Fighting Championships. His hero is Chuck Liddell but I just hope he doesn't grow his hair like him, although you wouldn't put it past him.
l Simon Francis, right-back
Poor old Simon Thomas Beatie' Francis has taken an awful lot of stick this season and it's all because of the beard he grew during our 13 match unbeaten run. It made him look like the pregnant man who hit the news but he wasn't too pleased about that one. He couldn't shave until we lost but when we eventually did he only decided to trim it so he must have secretly liked it.
l Peter Clarke, centre-back
My centre back partner looks like Kirk from Coronation Street. That came out during one of our lads night out and apparently he got called it a few years ago as well. He doesn't like it but hopefully he has a bit more upstairs than Kirk does!
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l Charlie Mulgrew, left-back
Living proof that Scotsmen are tight! I've never seen him up at the bar and I think him and his missus brought their own bottle with them to our player of the award night because he didn't want to have to spend any money while he was there.
l Tommy Black, right wing
Tommy was voted the worst dressed player at our awards night and he takes so much stick over his clothes. He won a £150 voucher to spend on new gear but I think it's great because it's taken the attention away from my own clothes which the lads used to pick on!
l Alan McCormack, centre midfield
Where do we start with Alan Anger Management' McCormack? He's a good lad but he just doesn't ever stop moaning. He's like Victor Meldrew and has a real temper on him. He's a pain in the backside but has been a big player for us this season.
l Nicky Bailey, centre midfield
Him and Macca are like a married couple! They are always bickering and arguing but Bails doesn't moan quite as much as him. They are a great battling duo and those two must be horrible to play against because of their mouths as well as their challenges!
l Mark Gower, left wing
G is the worst gambler ever! Every tip off he gets loses and in all the time we've been here together I'm not sure he's ever actually won a bet. He's definitely not one to go to for advice other than who not to bet on
l James Walker, striker
Eddie Murphy is a good lad who makes us laugh. On our last away trip he was watching Thundercats on his portable DVD player which was a little bit worrying. I think most of us used to watch that when we were eight or nine so we're not too sure about his mental age now!
l Lee Barnard, striker
Barney is nicknamed porcelain doll because he is very fragile! He's been fantastic since he joined but we never seem to see him on the training field as he seems to suffer with non-stop injuries. Last week he suffered a broken nail which forced him out and he also takes stick for looking like Tim nice but dim from Harry Enfield. He bleaches his hair and is rumoured to model his barnet on Rhidian from the last series of X Factor!
l Charlie MacDonald, striker
Charlie has the worst tattoo in the Football League. It's a bulldog on his thigh and it's absolutely awful. He must have had it done when he was about 14 and it looks like a fake transfer that you used to get in your breakfast cereals!
l Alex Revell, striker
Al is a super lad and is always smiling. He probably even had a grin on his face when they told him he had a hernia but he's settled in well and gets stick for looking like a horse!
l Franck Moussa, midfielder
Looks like Anderson who plays for Manchester United and is quite vain. He loves a mirror and is always making sure he's looking prim and proper. He has his own chant from the fans and makes us laugh because he starts to smile on the pitch everytime they do it.
l Gary Hooper, striker
Hoops is a shy lad and a bit of a mumbler. There isn't too much dirt to dish on him other than the fact we still can't get him up to sing the song that every new player is supposed to do when they sign!
l Steve Collis, goalkeeper
Matt Harrold and Simon Francis call him Dorito head and reckon he has the backside of an 80-year-old. I won't say much more on that but he must have his own sponsorship deal with Dsquared because all of his clothes are made by them!
l Damian Scannell, winger
He's a nice lad and very polite but I'm not too sure about his hair. He has it braided most of the time but every now and then he has to take them out and I keep on thinking we've signed Don King when I arrive at the training ground!
l Che Wilson, left-back
Che's my good buddy but it doesn't disguise the fact he has a paper mache head. He's a great lad and has been unlucky with injuries this season.
l Matt Harrold, striker
Was voted the best dressed player at the club but I'm not sure how. I reckon Simon Francis must have voted for him about 100 times because he copies everything Matt wears. He is known as Prince Harry and is another one who we think looks like Rhidian from X Factor!
l Lewis Hunt, right-back
Hunty is Mr Laidback and it seems to take him ages to do anything. He has lost more than anyone else on the crossbar challenge this year and because of that he's now my official boot boy!
l Hal Robson-Kanu, forward
The song that Hal sang when he first joined was one of the worst we've ever heard. It was cringeworthy. He also trains like a nine-year-old and has to have about 10,000 touches of the ball every time he gets it!
l Adam Barrett, centre back (by Che Wilson)
Adam is an "Al Murray" lookalike and is a future pub landlord. The oldest-looking 28-year-old person in town. Rumour has it that he had an uphill paper round around the Himalayas during his youth.
Posted by: Shrimper-Boy, East Black on 10:19am Fri 9 May 08
Introducing us, the twelfth man. We love everything that is Southend United,and 'We'll support you ever more' !!
Good Luck for tonite lads, we'll be sing our hearts out in the East, and i'm sure Standup will doing his best in the West!!!!
Gammmonnn U BBBLLLUUEEESSS!!!!!!
Introducing us, the twelfth man. We love everything that is Southend United,and 'We'll support you ever more' !!
Good Luck for tonite lads, we'll be sing our hearts out in the East, and i'm sure Standup will doing his best in the West!!!!
Gammmonnn U BBBLLLUUEEESSS!!!!!!
Posted by: Chris Anger Management Hoskyn, Southend on 11:00am Fri 9 May 08
Great nice to read some banter from the lads and i hope both Macca And Bailey stay at Southend for a long time UP THE BLUE
Also Steve Lewis had an uphill paper round around the Himalayas during his youth
Great nice to read some banter from the lads and i hope both Macca And Bailey stay at Southend for a long time UP THE BLUE
Also Steve Lewis had an uphill paper round around the Himalayas during his youth
Posted by: Badger, Southend on 2:39pm Tue 13 May 08
I'm sorry but i have to defend my fellow scotsman Charlie Mulgrew in saying he is not tight. Me and one of my mates bumped into him on Saturday night in a club in Southend and he gave both of us a drink!
I'm sorry but i have to defend my fellow scotsman Charlie Mulgrew in saying he is not tight. Me and one of my mates bumped into him on Saturday night in a club in Southend and he gave both of us a drink!
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