ADVANCED psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist CLAIRE GASKIN sees clients in Essex and in London’s Harley Street. She is now bringing her expertise to the problems of our readers as our agony aunt. If you have a problem you’d like Claire’s advice with, email work, visit


I have fallen out with a close friend of mine over a disagreement between our children and I don’t know how to make it right.

They have known each other since they were at pre-school, our sons, and we have usually just ignored their arguments but they now don’t want to be around each other.

I thought we would always be friends whether or not our children hung around together but she seems to have made it clear she doesn’t need my friendship any more and I am so hurt by it.

I have a good life, lovely husband and wonderful kids but I am really genuinely stung by this and I lie awake at night thinking about what I should have said, and what I should say.

My husband says I should move on as we have other friends but I am still thinking about it a lot, almost a year down the line as I still see her and her family at the school. Is he right ?

CLAIRE SAYS: Yes, your husband is right. It’s interesting that, this time, your friend has decided your sons’ argument cannot be ignored.

This makes me wonder if there is another, unsaid, reason she no longer wants to be friends.

For example, she may be envious of you. Or, maybe your friendship has just run its course.

I was struck by your comment that you’re feeling hurt because she doesn’t need you to be her friend anymore.

Some people are natural caregivers and work hard to make sure everyone in their world is happy.

They get a sense of purpose and fulfilment when they feel needed by others, and place a great deal of importance on people getting on with each other.

It’s no surprise, if this is your personality type, that this falling-out has upset you so much.

But, it’s not your fault. Stop wondering how you can put it right and accept that it’s out of your hands, so you can let it go.

If you find this difficult then consider a session of BWRT to help you feel differently.

It’s sad but true that not all friendships last for ever. Cherish the happy memories and make new ones with your other friends.