ADVANCED psychotherapist and clinical hypnotherapist CLAIRE GASKIN sees clients in Essex and in London’s Harley Street. In her final column as our agony aunt, she brings her expertise to the problems of our readers


I had an affair, of which I am very ashamed, with a woman I met at the local pub.

It was more of a fling really and I realised it was a mistake pretty quickly and tried to cut all ties.

I have been with my wife since we were teenagers and we have been married for almost 25 years and it made me realise what I was risking and since then she and I have been really working at things.

She doesn’t know about the affair but the woman still thinks there is something between us and is threatening to tell her.

She won’t take no for an answer and I have had to change my mobile number.

She has started sitting outside the house and I am starting to think I need to tell my wife, although I know our marriage would be over if I did. I know I deserve what is happening but I just don’t know what to do....


You’re working at things to make up for risking your marriage and it’s quite possible that your wife already suspects there is something behind your change in behaviour.

Most affairs are symptoms of problems in a relationship. That doesn’t excuse your infidelity but, if you do tell your wife what happened, you may learn that she has not been completely happy, either.

Marriages can recover from affairs and even become stronger, when both partners are honest with each other.

But, you are hoping you won’t have to come clean if this other woman leaves you alone.

Although it takes two to have an affair she might be feeling misled. Apologise if necessary and be absolutely clear you have no future together.

If she continues to sit outside your house then this could constitute attempts to cause significant alarm, harassment or distress, in which case the law is on your side. Get legal advice about stalking and harassment legislation at the Citizen’s Advice Bureau.

You may be advised to talk to the police, who will likely be more sympathetic than you think and can have a discreet word with her. Whatever else you do, find a new pub to go to.

* This is Claire’s last column and if you want to read a collection from the last year, you can get a free copy of her book here...