For some time now this country has been suffering from an epidemic, about which the Government failed to warn us.

I refer to "celebrity flu," the effect of which seems to be the destruction of all reason and restraint in the sufferer's attempt to latch on to the celebrity of one's choice.

The unforeseen side effects of this bizarre behaviour can be for the object of adulation to flee the country. The latest example being our homegrown F1 near world champion Lewis Hamilton, who is going to live in Switzerland.

The onset of this malady is caused by an identity vacuum in the victim and is most virulent in those with nothing going for them except the ability to hitch an ego trip on the back of someone else's ability.

Symptoms can include grotesque tattooing and inappropriate clothing. Variants of the disease include "Rooney rash" brought on by that worthy missing a goal; "the Wilko wobbles" which attacks mostly young females when Jonny stubs a toe; the "Hamilton heaves" induced by a failing gearbox; and not least the "pop star fever" that besets young people who anticipate getting a job with horror.

Sometimes I think the only sane people around are those of us who get our kicks from writing to the paper (with one or two notable exceptions).

Ron Hurrell
Hadleigh Park Avenue
Thundersley