Family of boy with autism encourage parents to bat away negativity

They say their child has transformed their lives for the better.

Mum Natalie Fernando, from Hockley, says raising five-year-old Rudy has made her prouder than she has ever been, and refuses to let judgement from others bring them down.

When overwhelmed, Rudy may lash out, throw things, shout, or hit his mum – behaviour out of his control, but which passersby often mistake as him “being naughty”.

By sharing her struggles, Natalie hopes other parents going through a similar experience will take comfort in knowing they’re not alone while also raising awareness of the condition.

Rudy

The 44-year-old said: “When you have a child diagnosed with something like autism or special needs there is an impact on the whole family.

“Rudy has quite a complex condition, which means that going out in the spur of the moment isn’t something we can do anymore. We have lost that spontaneity we once had.

“We have to look into where we are going, and the environment there to make sure it’s not too busy and that sort of thing.

Rudy

“But day to day you also deal with people’s perception of what’s going on. You can’t necessarily see his disability, so people think he’s being naughty – but he doesn’t want to behave this way.

“While we’re trying to calm him and make sure he’s okay you have people staring, saying ‘you need to control your child’ and ‘he shouldn’t be allowed out’.

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“It is so upsetting and does make you so angry, especially when people don’t see what goes on behind closed doors to try and help him.”

On the flip side, the family have also made “friends for life” with helpful heroes who have come to their aid when Rudy has been overwhelmed and has needed extra support.

In conversation - Ian Shelley with Rudy Fernando

Jogger Ian Shelley even lay down on the pavement on Southend seafront to talk to him after he slumped to the ground and refused to get up.

Rudy, who suffers with a sensory processing disorder and global development delay along with autism, only got to his feet thanks to Ian putting his mind at rest.

The moment went viral on social media, with Natalie’s post thanking him for coming to the rescue receiving 25,000 reactions and 2,000 comments.

Rudy

Natalie – also mum to Eden and stepmum to Eva and Layla – says the experience has been so rewarding she wishes she would’ve raised her other children in the same way as she has Rudy.

Techniques the family lean on to help calm him down during a meltdown include a cuddle, making him laugh and music, while parents Natalie and Nigel have largely learnt to spot the signs before he gets too distressed.

Natalie continued: “It is out of his control when he has an episode, but we try to lower ourselves to his level, hold and hug him.

“He’s also working really hard himself and when it’s becoming overwhelming he is learning to squeeze me tight to let me know he is distressed if we haven’t already picked up on it. When you’re out you can miss the signs, which may be things like his body tensing. He also sometimes mimics scenes out of a movie quite erratically, which we call scripting.

“He has taught me tolerance and patience that I never thought I’d have, there is so much to thank him for. My advice to parents would be don’t listen to what people think and know you’re doing your absolute best. I’d never change my son for the world.”