I wish children came with a handbook that told you what is and isn't unreasonable behaviour to expect and what are and aren’t appropriate parental responses.

Does anyone else find it really hard at times to trust their own judgement regarding parenting? It's made even more difficult at times by the relentless barrage of “helpful” programmes like Supernanny, Little Angels and Crappy Mum or whatever it's called.

It's the same when I go shopping. I go into the supermarket wanting something straightforward like washing powder, bread and milk and am completely overwhelmed by the choice available. It's not just a toss up between brown or white anymore. There are over SEVENTY types of bread to choose from in the supermarket I usually use. Seventy - that's an awful lot of choice. There is even an organic “woman's” bread with linseed to help my hormone balance. Choosing the milk's no easier either. Faced with an endless array of goat, soya, rice, oat, cows’, lactose free, double pasteurised, sheep - I am totally confused. Oh my goodness. How's a person supposed to ever do their shopping when each item on the list can take you ten minutes to select?

So, back to parenting. Sometimes, I think there's too much choice. In the ”good” old days, people didn't agonise about whether they'd given enough positive input or spent the required amount of “quality” time with their kids. But today's parents are overwhelmed with options - if we're confused, just think how the kids, who need secure boundaries and consistency, must feel.

A couple of weeks ago, during the Easter holidays, I'd been out all day with the two youngest members of the family who are aged 2 and 6. I also had two extra 6 year olds in tow. After a mainly pleasant but exhausting day at the park, the outing was unexpectedly brought to an abrupt halt by my daughter falling into an extremely vile smelling pond. The 20 minute walk home was not a happy experience. Wet daughter was sobbing, I had shopping spilling off the pushchair, baby was sitting in poo and giving a commentary about the nature of said waste matter, "Ooh mummy, 'tinky 'appy, 'tinky 'appy." (stinky nappy). Then 30 seconds later, "Ooh mummy, wee wee 'appy. 'Tinky 'tinky 'appy."

It was tea time but the entire picnic had been eaten and everyone was hungry. With a sense of increasing urgency, and with my best (albeit false), Enid Blyton jolly voice, I enthusiastically began a bracing (well I thought so) chorus of “ten green bottles” but this was met with more tears. Mind you, my singing wasn't probably at it's best at that moment. I probably sounded more hysterical than musical. Whilst trying to keep my voice upbeat and happy to calm them all down, my head was racing and doing a quick calculation of the priority in which people should receive attention when eventually indoors . "Ok, shower daughter down, change nappy, put shopping way, THEN I can start dinner." Any mum reading this will identify with the silent “to do” lists that bubble away in the back of the brain whilst going about our daily activities.

When I finally got in, I was greeted by a pyramid of washing up in the sink and my two teenaged sons lying on the sofa watching a music video. It was a glorious, hot, sunny evening but the curtains were drawn and the lights were on and the floor was littered with crisp packets and glasses.

"Oh hi mum, " they called cheerily, "when's dinner?"

Fighting the urge to throttle them both and through gritted teeth, I asked (ok then, yelled) them to do THEIR washing up.

I admit, I was rather wound up and tense when I issued this instruction and perhaps, I wasn't “child centred” enough when I shouted, "You thoughtless pair, get your bloody washing up done. Why should I have to clear up your mess?" But my boys didn't respond in the way I'd hoped. I was teased and accused of being too house proud and fussy and encouraged to “chill out”.

And then, I entered this strange world of parental inertia where I was utterly unable to take the next step because I had so many viewing points that I'd lost my point of view.

My thoughts bounced back and forth from the two opposing perspectives ....

"They are a couple of selfish boys who are quite happy to leave all their clearing up to you, you have every right to be cross."

"Maybe they're right. Maybe I am too tense. Maybe I should relax more."

"Don't be ridiculous, how are you supposed to cook dinner when you have to fight your way to the cutlery and de gunk the pans, that THEY'VE used before you can use them?"

"Yes, but if you went with the flow and took the line of least resistance you could just have a takeaway, and explain a calm way to the boys how you feel. You'd all have a much nicer evening and the children would all see relaxed dialogue as the appropriate way of dealing with conflict..."

"YES but I am just SO annoyed with them and want them to know!"

This internal dialogue was caused my not having the confidence in the correct (if there is one) way to handle the situation. My parents would have soldiered on with, "I'm the adult and you do as I say," but I pressed forward with my preferred and schizophrenic method of getting annoyed then being understanding and in the end, my emotions won out and I just cried. Then the boys were really sorry they'd upset me and felt guilty (which was a GOOD thing)!

"The thing is, " son number 1 said, "We just don't see it like you do. I don't mind doing the jobs but you need to tell me exactly what to do."

"Yes, "agreed son number 2, "We're men and our brains work differently."

"You're telling me," I thought, but instead I said, "Right ok, so how do we resolve this because it's not fair that one person - ME- has more than their fair share of the chores."

"Well," son number 1 helpfully suggested, "how about you work out all the jobs that need doing then work out a roster and work out which of us is in and when and the allocate jobs according to who's free?"

"Yes, that's a simple way of doing things, "son number 2 nodded.

"Er, ok then," I said, quite touched that they had at least offered. But let's face it, the organising of a flipping roster sounds like an extra job I can do without and as for the household chores, we all know it'll be quicker to do it myself.